Top Seven Things to Do if your Dog Corners a Skunk

Monroe Skunkified
Monroe Skunkified

If you read between the lines, you will realize I speak from personal experience. These are just a few of the first options that came to  mind.

1. Drive to Mexico and find a quack doctor who will remove your olfactory organs for $50.

2. Burn down your house.

3. Locate the skunk and congratulate him for teaching your dog a valuable life lesson.

4.  If you are afraid of the criminal penalties connected with the arson specified in step two, choose the middle ground by contacting a charitable organization you despise and donating all the furniture in the house to them.  If you select this approach it is important not to divulge the skunkification until after representatives of the organization have arrived at your house to load your belongings in their truck.

5. Sleep outside for a couple of weeks.  Some of you might say at this point that a more reasonable approach would be to have the dog sleep outside for a week or two. Anyone who says this obviously does not understand that dogs always take priority over their masters in matters of comfort.

6. If you have a swimming pool, drain it.  This step is most important if you have neighbors who can access to the drainage. It is critical to share your pain with as many humans as possible.

7.  Seek counseling from the SPCA.  If you live in a large metropolitan area, which I do not, I think the SPCA offers a mobile triage service for pet owners to counsel them through the crisis. Those who live in the country are just screwed.

Finally, I do have one bit of advice from author Bert Carson, who has experience in this field.  According to Bert one thing you should NOT do if you catch your dog in the act of attacking a skunk is to try to pry the skunk from the dog’s jaws.

I’ll leave the consequences of such an action to your imaginations.

 

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