Go out and face the world with the Fabulous Four
May 21, 2018
NOW, GRADUATES, DON’T GO OUT THERE AND TRY TO TAKE ON THE BIG OL’ SCARY WORLD WITHOUT BEING FULL OF, UH, BLISS AND VINEGAR
Behold the graduates.
Behold the graduation speakers.
It is that time of year.
Time for the senator, the mayor, the entrepreneur, the quarterback, the educator, the one with the funny bone, all the other learned ones to say, in effect, may I have a word.
And then proceed – word upon word upon word upon word – to encourage the graduates to get out there and take on the world, to change the world, to make the world better for one and all.
Good for them.
For centuries, graduates have been thusly encouraged.
So much so that graduates have accomplished much.
Why, we now have vehicles that drive themselves.
‘Pills’ that actually are cameras that health professionals can have you swallow that go down inside you for a helpful look-see and assist in your diagnosis and treatment.
Been to the Moon.
Looked at Mars.
Still, there is much for graduates to do.
The common cold still annoys, baffles.
And there still are those ever-present traffic jams on the freeways those self-drive vehicles must travel, traverse. Or try to. Maybe some graduate will work out the freeway kinks.
Plenty of assignments, plenty of problem-solving opportunities for you to take on, graduates, should you be of a mind to accept the assignments.
We’ll let the graduation speakers encouragingly point the way.
But what we are here to do is offer a few helpful hints on how to get there.
The day-to-day livin’ kind of stuff.
Confront the potholes of life.
Graduates, what you really need to know as you start out is fours things.
Let them be known as the Fabulous Four:
They will work for you for a lifetime.
Get you through all sorts of challenges, tough, troublesome times.
Help you know when to zig, when to zag.
Times when you are not sure whether to dip or dart, duck or dive. Run or stand your ground.
Take this fork in the road or that one.
Vinegar: It take out rough spots, removes putrid smells, even makes people feel better. Some sip a bit of it daily, without fail. Vinegar has an incalculable number of uses.
Duct Tape: OK, call it Duck Tape, if you will. Many people do. But it works, solves all sorts of nagging problems. Heard a lady once say she used Duct Tape – actually, she said Duck Tape — to keep a hem in place. Knew a lad who bragged he saved money by Duct Taping the holes in his shorts.
WD-40: Spray, spray, spray. Keeps everything working, even when it doesn’t want to. Frozen bolts, squeaky hinges, cranky commodes. Wonder if it would work on the crabby guy at the office?
Aspirin: Maybe the biggest mystery of all. Once asked a doc how aspirin works. Guess he talked for ten minutes without really answering my question. My assessment of his answer:
Anyway, do as the world has come to understand when something – anything – ails you, take two aspirin and there will be no need to call the doc in the morning.
So, there you have it, graduates.
The Fabulous Four.
Vinegar. Aspirin. WD-40. Duct Tape.
The world beckons.
The world calls.
The world summons.
It beckons, calls, summons you, graduates.
Be ready for it.
Get down to a big box store – now! – and get the Fabulous Four.
Or, better yet, order the Fabulous Four online. Amazon will have these four items at your front door in no time flat.
These items will take you through life. Just ask your parents, grandparents. They know. Ten to one says they have them on hand. Always have had. Always will.
Wouldn’t stay home without them.
So there you have it, graduates.
The graduation speakers are encouraging you, giving you guidance and mighty sagacious advice on what you might accomplish.
Permit me to offer these four, proven suggestions that will take you through the day-to-day twists and turns and detours necessary to achieve your goals.
So, now, graduates, with the Fabulous Four in hand, go take on the world.
Your world – your troubled, perplexing yet fascinating world — awaits.
And, in incalculable ways, it stands in perpetual, desperate, obvious need of a couple or three or four or more aspirin, a spritz or even heavy spray or dousing of WD-40, a gigantic, cure-all gulp of vinegar, miles ‘n’ miles of hold-it-together and please-keep-it-working Duct Tape.
(Roger Summers is a journalist, author and essayist. His book of essays – Beneath the Red ‘Hall’ Tree – will be out this summer, providing he can keep his writing schedule Duct Taped together.)
Roger Summers is the author of Heart Songs from a Washboard Road. Please click HERE to find the book on Amazon.